The greatest questions in life include ‘what is the meaning of life’, ‘is there a God’, ‘where did we come from’, ‘how do I make the best French toast imaginable‘ and ‘how do I please my gamer lover/crush on Valentine’s Day’?
Well, never fear troubled one, for I am going to tell you five ways that you can please a gamer this Valentine’s Day.
1. Get A Valentine’s Card
It goes without saying that you could just go with a sweet Valentine’s Day card. But there’s so many cards to choose from, so which do you pick? The one with the bear saying ‘I love you’ or the one of the sketchy looking couple hugging on a park bench?
No, you fool! You can’t choose one of those generic cards for your gamer interest! Do you want them to hate you forever? You get them (or make them) a videogame-related card, such as these:
2. Play a Love-Orientated Game with Them
You want to have a romantic day, so do you go out for a walk or some other romantic trollop? Of course bloody not — you sit and play a romantic videogame.
I personally suggest a dating simulation game such as Hatoful Boyfriend. It contains all the themes you guys need on your special day: love, romance, tension and pigeons.
3. Pick Your Best Chat-Up Lines
If you’re not yet with your love interest — or you are but want to flirt with them anyway — then some chat-up lines may be in order for your special one on Valentine’s Day. Don’t go with a typical lines though, because your interest is a gamer and you want the best chance to win them over. Go with something like this:
‘Is that a Buster Sword, or are you just happy to see me?’
‘If I had to choose between you and videogames, I’d Pikachu.’
‘I’m gonna ride you like Epona’.
‘Guuuuuurl, you are the Bob-Omb!’
‘You must have the strategy guide to my heart.’
‘You must be a Tetris block, because you fit right in my life.’
‘You’re almost sexier than Zero Suit Samus.’
‘Here, take this lockpick because you’re the master of unlocking my heart.’
‘Looking at you gives me a 1-Up.’
4. Take Them Out Somewhere. Online.
Take your partner out somewhere for the day. You could go out for a walk, a meal or a film, but then again you could stay in all day and take them out somewhere in the online world instead.
Go for an online walk with them on the romantic beaches of Grand Theft Auto IV, surrounded by the bodies of the homeless men you sweetly murdered hand-in-hand. Awwww. You could go hang out together in The Sims and make sweet, vague love before it getting awkward after one of your Sims asks for a baby. You can hang out together on PlayStation Home and spend some virtual alone time in your virtual apartment. Or you could go for the obvious and join your lover in a raid on World of Warcraft.
Oh, the choices!
If you’re already with your gamer partner and you’ve been with them a while, then maybe now is the time to propose. Make it memorable. Make it gamer-y.
Either that, or create a Pokémon save file and name each one in the party ‘WILL YOU MARRY ME PLEASE (NAME)’ because that’s pretty cool too.
And that’s how to please a gamer on Valentine’s Day! More or less.